I am not doing New Year resolutions this year, as what I need to achieve is going to be ongoing for many years. I am going to have to practice kindness and respect towards myself. It is going to require unlearning beliefs and rewiring my brain. I need to flip the script on the internal dialogue incessantly chattering in my mind telling me I cannot be this or do that.
My brother gave me a book for Christmas which happens to be illustrated and an easy read better known as The Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris & illustrated by Bev Aisbett.
There are exercises to complete as you go along and after I worked on the first one, I was floored by what I think about myself. What really stood out to me was I don’t feel like I can be myself. There is one belief which has been on my mind since I put it down on paper and that is “I need to act like someone else in order to be accepted and taken seriously.” However, the charade has not done me any favors; it has left me as an empty cracked shell.
What has become abundantly clear to me is the work I need to do is on the inside. Yes, I could lose a few pounds, but I have been skinny before and I had the same low self esteem back then. The makeover I need to do is on the inside and not something anyone will see with the naked eye.
It doesn’t matter how much makeup I pile on or how many new threads I have. It doesn’t matter what kind of car I drive or how large and lovely my house is. All of these things are replaceable and do not contribute to who I am.
I want to be confident, not to be confused with arrogant or the belief I am better than others. At this point I would be thrilled to think I am equal to others. I want to think of myself the way I think of my friends, who are smart, capable and kind human beings, who are resolute in their values.
Confidence isn’t about how pretty you are, how skinny you are, how wealthy, how fit, how successful you are in your career or any of those things. Confidence is knowing who you are and you’re worthy of respect and you are capable of achieving any goals you set your mind upon. Confidence isn’t about believing; it is knowing. As beliefs have wiggle room to be argued and we don’t want that!
I may fall a few times or many times before I get to where I want to be, but I will get there eventually.
In the meanwhile, if you have any advice or recommendations on books, or Ted Talks, share away! Please feel free to comment or drop me a message.
I have my work cut out for me!
Peace & Love – Rachel