You Know Jacques!

I like myself a lot better today than I did 30 years ago.  If I met the 20s version of me, I wouldn’t have a lot in common with this person.  I was shallow, materialistic, wanted to have fun with my girls, do minimal work for maximum results and I was concerned about status, which is ironic as I had no “status” in my 20s; it was a self-indulgent time for me.  I mellowed out in my 30s, but I was still concerned about what others thought and very ego driven, still focused a lot on materials and appearances.  Then in my 40s, I began to care less, and I was finally at a point where I wanted to be with a nice guy – enter Brian (my now husband).  50 has been a game changer; it feels like I have one foot in retirement with a less demanding career and when it comes to wisdom, I might be able to teach Yoda a thing or two. 

All my stupidity, the many masks I wore, the keeping up appearances have mostly been torn down.  I still care about my appearances, but not in an obsessive way or a way where I equated it to my worth.  I worry about finances, creating debt and I have a lot more dissonance when it comes to purchases which fall outside my budget.  Family, good friends and their well being is what matters most to me these days. My relationship with God matters to me and living my faith.

I think back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs from Organizational Behaviour at University, and I feel like being in my 50s has put me in the “Self Actualization” zone, or the top of the pyramid.  It is a good feeling to have after being stuck in the Social and Self Esteem levels for as long as I was there.  I have evolved.  I think a lot of folks my age have also evolved.  We cannot put up with others’ nonsense; we avoid drama like the plague.  We are quick to say no to plans or anything which doesn’t serve us well with the mutual understanding of “yeah, I get it and it’s okay… another time friend”.  Life is a lot more chill and less hectic.

It isn’t about letting yourself go.  Oh no, no, no!  We do not want to give up on life; we want to approach life less hectically and maybe down grade from our Type A behaviour to Type B.  We are more concerned about our health, and less concerned about our weight and looking like a twenty something year old.  We may strive for being svelte, but we aren’t going to lose sleep over it, like we may have previously.  We learn the relationships we currently have which serve us, are the ones we should nourish and cherish.  We are no longer concerned with impressing colleagues, leaders, or the cool gang (whoever they may be).  We know who we are, and we know who our people are, and this is good enough.

There is so much good in this evolutionary decade of life!  I know I am older, and I know I am not as fit as I used to be, but I don’t feel old, especially mentally, I still feel like I am 18 in many ways, but with a lot more wisdom, appreciation, and love for life.  It is normal to want to improve and continue to strive towards goals, but those goal posts have changed and hold a lot more and sometimes less value…. What I mean is at 51, there is a lot less to prove to the outside world; the only person I want to prove anything to is myself and this is delightful.

Peace and Love – Rachel