Last night I was thinking about my old high school in Quebec, and some painful memories around a particular teacher came up, and how I was humiliated and spoken to by this teacher. I felt angry and the hurt feelings of when I was 13 or 14 years of age came bubbling up inside of me. I thought to myself I am going to call this wicked woman out and let the Facebook world know how she treated a shy shell of an anxious kid.
I must have been looking for validation and that is why I posted what I did which others read and reacted to with shock, anger and sadness. Did I feel validated? A bit I guess, until a former classmate posted, “she passed away last year”. I immediately deleted the post and the various comments, as I fully knew I was painting someone in a negative light, and I know some students found her sternness & say anything attitude to attribute to their present personal success. My problem is I attributed it to a lack of confidence I have carried into my adulthood.
Despite how awful someone treated me, it doesn’t matter, I should not have called her out on social media. It was wrong and passive aggressive and seeing that she is no longer alive, unfair. It was negative and toxic energy I released onto the internet, and I shamed a name, whether deserving or not, it was not right. It was a mindless post in the heat of old wounded feelings coming to surface. It was a “post” which should have taken place in a confidential office with me on a couch discussing with a professional why this hurt little girl still feels so much as an adult.
My post wasn’t kind, inspiring, educating nor funny.
The new rules for me when posting on Social Media on a go forward basis will be based on answering at least one of the following questions with an enthusiastic Yes! :
- Is your posting kind?
- your posting inspiring?
- Is your posting educating others in a positive way?
- Is your posting funny?
The wise words our parents or guardians shared with us at a very young age will forever remain etched in our minds and hearts and ring true today, such as “if you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything”.
In addition to the above four key rules, I also want to be:
- More mindful
- More genuine
I have tailored a lot of my blogs trying to capture a wider audience, mirroring others who I admire, and I don’t believe I have been as authentic in all I have shared. I had one blogger friend tell me, that I needed to add more photos, and no one wants to just read words, people want to have “stuff” to look at or they will become bored. There may be some truth to this, but most of the books or blogs which have captivated me are because of the “words”, the content, or the style of writing. I read these blogs or books at such a pace; I am gobbling up their creative content. I don’t follow blogs or read books because of the pictures, or memes (which I overshare at times in mine).
I want to inspire, I want to encourage, and I want to build others up. Last night I was overshadowed by some hurt from my past and I allowed those emotions to take me to a dark place.